time & evolution of the soul

Timing is everything. I never grasped the concept when I was younger. It’s amazing how much you you can change. Oh let’s say…every 5 years your personality grows and develops. I call it evolution. Necessary adaptment like Darwin’s theory. Hence why I’m a fan of his work. No, I don’t see gills in our future, but I do think our personality changes out of necessity. I look back and everything I’ve done wasn’t just out of personal growth, no I’m not so humble and full of crap to call it that. I’ve also adapted out of need of circumstance, just like a chameleon would change colors to not be eaten, I didn’t want life to chew me up and spit me out. Whether I knew at the time or not. It was instinct. It was instinct telling me to change or I’d die on this path.

You adapt or move on, or eventually die in some cases. So I think it’s not just a case of “growing up” but evolution. You adapt to your circumstances. In a different situation I would have flourished into a whole different person in this moment. My core would be the same, my soul, you can’t change your soul. Deep down you are who you are, but environment molds and tweaks why you went into a certain field of study, what color you dye your hair or even if you do. Down to what religion you are.

It’s not just evolution, it’s timing. Timing is ALL in the universe. How did you met your spouse? What if you hadn’t been in that location, or gone to that blind date, clicked on that profile, went to that high school. So much for soul mates right? It’s too big of a responsibility to be there at the right place and time. I’d like to think, fate takes care of it. Somehow a delicate web of events that makes sure certain people cross paths at a certain time, but too early, too late…timing is everything or nothing will work. Some people are background players in the story that is your life, and some are returning guest stars. Some show up just to point you to the right direction like a North Star when you get lost, just disappear again into the background.

I think about it most when it comes to big mistakes I’ve committed life, like when I hurt someone. Maybe I’m just making excuses about mistakes I’ve made all my life, I make them so often. But mistakes have always worked like a compass for me when I’ve been the most lost in my life. I rarely have anyone to help me, point me in the right direction. I’m so often lost and floundering through life that it’s only a matter of time before I make a mistake and hurt someone. After it happens it’s then I can correct my course.

Yes evolution and timing is everything. If the Wendy of 2006 had to handle the problems of 2015 my mindset wouldn’t have enough compassion or strong will to think of others before making important decisions about my life. Yes, it sounds complicated doesn’t it? Even though Fate takes care of it all, and in the end fate has its way…you are the one that has to endure what’s to be played out. Having the will to go on while being ill is much much harder than giving up. Saying, “it’s ok, I’m fine” with a smile, even a tiny one is way harder than just not saying anything at all, but it’s those tiny comforts that help loved ones go on too.

Time and evolution.

Fate controls time, and outside, things outside of us…just out of our reach. Our soul however goes through evolution, it controls the inside. The things inside of us too private to share just out of reach of true understanding to ourselves.

I’m not saying I’m right, not even close, I’m too much of a dumbass to ever be right about anything this deep. In any case in my mind, I’d like to think there’s some sense to all this chaos we call life. Part science, part mystery, part faith. It makes me feel just a tiny bit better.


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